The Battle Over You

Let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time there was God. He created the world and everything in it. He created the light and dark, the waters and land, animals, and vegetation. Then He made something else. He made this thing called "man" and breathed breath into his lungs. He then formed a partner for this thing called "man" and began a relationship with these living beings known as "mankind."

Then there was this bad guy. This bad guy didn't like at all what God was doing. You see, he wanted to be God and to have His power. So he decided to try and take away that which God had created. He tempted, man bought it, and here we are today.

I may not be the best narrator, but I'm pretty sure you got the picture, or at least be able to identify the story (history). Here's the thing, though…the story is not over. There's a battle constantly going on between good and evil. A battle between God and Satan. We learn about this from an early age (especially if you grew up in a church like me). However, I would, if you will, like to bring forth a new thought about this.

For so long we have talked about the battle between God and the enemy. Sometimes it's kind of talked about like a battle for power, or to show who is stronger. However, we already know who is going to win. The Bible already says it. The Lord wins. The enemy is defeated, and God wins.

I started thinking about this the other day: If we already know who is going to win…if we already know the outcome, then what is this battle about? Is it that God needs to show that He is more powerful? While I do believe that everything in the outcome is to bring glory to God, I also don't think God has to prove His worth. He knows He's going to win. We know He is going to win. The enemy knows He is going to win. So what is the battle for?

You.

God doesn't have to prove anything. He's God. The enemy already knows he's going to lose. So why fight? Well, in a short answer, it's for you. The battle is over your eternity. God is fighting for you because He wants you to be with Him for eternity in heaven. The enemy wants you to go down with him into ruin.

So here's my question now: Who do you want to win the battle over your soul?

When We Don't Understand Why

Let's get real. There are some days, months, or seasons that we go through and we don't really understand why we are going through them. I'll share a little bit of my story, and maybe it will be encouraging to you.

If you guys know me, you know that music is a very big part of my life. I went to college to study music, specifically for the church. It was one of the greatest things I have done in life. I knew God wanted me there, because He made a way for me to do it when all odds were against me. However, by the end of my time receiving my education and degree, I felt kind of burnt out on the whole "worship" music thing, and was not sure if I actually wanted to do that anymore. I was a little worried that I had just wasted all that time and money for something that was uncertain and that I felt I wasn't sure if I wanted to do anymore.

Fast forward about 4 months later, I am now in a place where music is the farthest thing from what I do. Now I am working in another country, teaching math in a school, doing absolutely nothing with music. I have not played an instrument since I moved out here, I have not sung since I moved here, and I have definitely not done any vocal warm ups. Because of this lack of music, I have gone backwards in my "musicalness." My piano and theory skills definitely are not on point like they were, and my singing has suffered. I used to be able to belt an A above middle C, and now I am lucky if I can sing out a D# above middle C without having my voice crack. Being completely honest, it is very discouraging, and I get frustrated many days. Because of talking all the time in class, I never have moments to just let my voice rest, so I always feel horse.

Now don't get me wrong on this next part I am going to say. I absolutely love Honduras and my experience out here (if you could not tell from all of my other posts). I would not trade this part of my life for anything in all of the world. I am beyond grateful to be out here, and I could not be happier. However, through this experience, I constantly ask God why exactly He brought me out here. I see fruits of my time here, and I know God has big plans for why He brought me out here. Many, I'm sure, I will not see until later, and many I may not ever see at all. I just have to trust that He is faithful.

One thing, though, that I have realized through this time in my life is that, while I may not completely understand God's full picture, He has revealed something to me. My passion and love for music and worship has only intensified. I have come to realize that it is not just something I like to do, but it is literally a part of my being. It is God's calling in my life. I think He kind of had to bring me somewhere that I am completely without it in order to revive in me that calling I felt before.

So my encouragement to you is that, if you feel like you are somewhere in your life where you don't understand exactly why you are there, don't get discouraged. Sometimes the Lord has to take us somewhere in order for us to see something in a different light, or to reveal something to us because we wouldn't listen otherwise. Don't be discouraged. God has a plan, and He won't leave you out there alone.

"Yet, I am not alone, for my Father is with me. I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." - John 16:32c-33

A Heart Divided

It has been quite a while since the last blog post I have written. There has been a lot going on, and I have honestly had a harder time finding inspiration of something to write about. Many times I have sat down at my computer to compose a blog about something inspirational, or about how I feel, or something along those lines...but nothing has quite come out the way I want it to.

A couple of days ago, I reached the 90 day mark of living in Honduras, and I am now, officially, in my 4th month of living in Latin America. Throughout my time here, I have learned many things about myself, learned things about life, discovered more questions and uncertainties about myself, and I have come to realize that I have changed since moving here.

One of the hardest things I have had to deal with since moving here is finding my since of identity. A few weeks ago I posted something on Facebook about missionary kids and talked a little about how I find myself kind of caught in between two worlds, both of which seem to pull me at the same time. I will dub these two worlds "World T" and "World H."

From birth until the age 18, I lived and grew up in the wonderful state of Texas. It stole my heart at a young age, and it is still my love. It has always been home. It has my family, my familiar surroundings, and my cultural heritage there. I will always be a Texan. It's who I am. It is also the only place I have ever felt at home. I lived in Tennessee and New Jersey for a time between the ages of 18 and 20. Neither of them felt like home. I always felt like I was just having an extended visit somewhere. The entire time I was living in those other states, I always wanted to go home to Texas. And that is where I found my identity as a person for the longest time.

But then "World H" came into the picture. At the age of 20 (right on the verge of 21), I moved to Honduras, and it stole my heart away. (Honestly, it ripped my heart right into two.) Right after getting here, I felt welcomed and comfortable here. And, while only having lived here for 3, going on 4 months, I feel at home. That is something HUGE for me to say. Recently I took a trip to Belize to renew my visa so I could come back to Honduras and stay through the rest of the school year. The entire time I was in Belize (although a beautiful country), I felt uncomfortable and out of place. When the plane landed back on Roatan, I immediately let out a sigh of relief because I had made it home. Since moving here, I have grown accustomed to this way of life. I have taken on the cultural aspects, the food, the lifestyle, the language, and everything. And now my heart is torn in half between my "World T" and my "World H."

Now, I don't expect many, if any at all really, to understand this next part. It would sound kind of silly to me if I was an outsider hearing this. Quite honestly, though, I don't really see myself as an American anymore. And I don't see myself as really a Honduran either. I see myself as half American, half Honduran. Many of you are probably thinking, "Ok, Tim, that's a pretty drastic thing to say after only living there for 3 months. That doesn't make you Honduran." And yes, that would be true if I had come out here with someone from home, someone that I maintain my American culture with, or a place I go to get back in touch with my American roots. However, that's not the case with me. I came out to Honduras alone, with no one from back home. I live in an area where I am one of the only white people in my surroundings. I go to a church where I am the only gringo. Spanish is the most common language I hear except for when I am teaching classes in school (and even then the kids are usually speaking spanish in class). I speak spanish every single day at school and in day-to-day life, and I speak spanish about 60-70% of the time I'm in the house. So, honestly, you can see that I am literally immersed in the culture. Also, I am still in my developing years that are essential in the formation and identity creation of who I am as a person.

All of this to simply say that I am not the same person I used to be.

My heart is kind of in a battle between the two places. My home of Texas which I have loved and been in since birth, and my home of Honduras, a country that my heart has loved since the age of 12.

This wasn't really a blog of inspiration, or a blog of "look at how cool life is here," or anything like that...it was more of a way to share part of me with you guys. I promise that the next blog will be something of inspiration and fun reading!


Until next time friends and family,
-Tim Tito
(Native Texan and Catrachigringo in training)